im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
