you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Also, beer. Big fan.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
