so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
