i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
