Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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