Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize