It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
