You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
