Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
