I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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