I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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