she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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