remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's never too late to be topless.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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