I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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