there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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