God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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