I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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