Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
