I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
