he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
