ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize