before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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