Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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