I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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