I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We need a shit load of segways right now
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
