I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize