I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
