I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
