Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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