all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
