She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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