so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
