WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
no more duck duck goose at the bar
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
