She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
