girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
