You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
