John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
