I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
