She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
