wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize