It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
