She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think my fart just growled at me.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
a search helicopter?!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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