Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
