Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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