I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
