She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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