Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
