even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
