Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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