Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
