Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize