Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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