dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
