She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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