Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
