im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
