you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
