you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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