I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
