You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
