I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
