My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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