My room smells like vodka and shame
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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