Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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