I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
