people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
