I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
