im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
