do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
