He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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