My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
