I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
