Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
