Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
