My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize