just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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