Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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