drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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