I could have mohawked her pubes.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
