You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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