remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
