he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
