omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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