Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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