the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
