Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
