So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize