i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize