So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
