You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
where are my eyebrows?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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