he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
