I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
